Well that’s Elton’s new club classic. And that is what I experienced. I’ve done many long-hauls, but leaving Heathrow at 4pm and arriving in Beijing at 9am that was only 9 hours later then Elton said it all.
It’s amazing! Two years since my last trip here filming “Food Adventures on the Silk Road 2” and once the aircraft doors opened the “smell of China” arrived – fermented soy. It’s amazing how memories come flooding back in an instant. And n
ot pleasant ones! This country is odd. So off to the hotel. Simon my assistant collected me, old, smelly and not polite. I now have Martin as my assistant, a young chap from Shanghai who is full of life and does not view every tourist activity we pass as a cash
Last night was the dinner for the judges. I knew I had the world cooking competition to judge, but I’m having to judge the “service girls” competition. I assure you, I am not qualified in that. I have been given a handbook that is 130 pages deep of how I have to judge such ladies. My last trip to China taught me that when dancing girls bring food its good to be vile by Western standards. But I’m not a judge, I’m the Supervisor. The hand book says:
“Make-up requirements” lipstick pink – which is pink, orange, red bean paste colour is appropriate and the colour of the lip liner should be consistent with that of lipstick. Eyebrow pencil, eyeliner, mascara should be black or dark brown. The colour of the foundation cream could should be consistent with the neck colour. The colour of the eye shadow should be light pink, light brown, light purple while “the brusher” should be light orange or light pink. The hairstyle should be coiled and look clean, neat. The hands and nails should be clean, and the length of nails should be not more than 1mm when looked form the palm. The nail polish cannot be shredding. Occupational and simple makeup should be the main team and makes the members looking, being available for conversation, vibrant and friendly.
Yesterday I spent £4.50 in a taxi viewing Beijing, its all high rise. The taxi ride was 2 hours. I can’t do jet-lag. Needed something to keep going. It’s no scenic tour.
This a.m. Chris from Treaty Port (a Scottish Castle with vineyard in Shandong Provence) sent his PR lady to meet me with 2 bottle of his vintage and PR material. Then I met the old crew I have known for years. Chakall that I presented the TV series with in 2009 in China and the production team.. I’ve seen Chakall many times since, but the crew it was good to see. They always said that I needed to find my “second chopstick”. Please e-mail to apply!
So off to see the Birds Nest stadium. London, I just hope have as an amazing venue. Pic attached of me at venue wearing the new garb that they have given me. Its not clubbing wear – bag from Lambretta on Carneby Street. The Seamstress of Sudbury, your creations will be worn at the event tomorrow. The stadium is huge. I’m in control. I’m ready. Noon tomorrow for my gig. Then the dancing girls.
Tonight was the opening dinner, “delicacies” is not a word I like in china, they butchered a live Python in front of us and I left early. I did eat a live scorpion and avoided everything else. How much is that doggie in the window…
Tomorrow I’m TEAM GB all on my own, whisk me luck! then dancing girls…
My 3 rules of China:
1) anything beige is safe to eat
2) always prod food to ensure life has left it
3) Eat, Swallow and SMILE for the Camera.
DONT PANIC, after my last trip I packed plenty of Gin – Beefeater, naturally, but tonic is hard to buy here.